Oscars Fashion Round-Up!
Part I: Fashion Obsessive Erica Sabol
Even though the fashion might not have been the takeaway from the night, I’m going to offer up some thoughts.
I want to start by talking about Kirsten Dunst in Christian Lacroix couture from 2002 (Is 2002 considered vintage now? I ask… for myself), because I really respect when clothes get reused. And I freaking stan vintage on the red carpet. More of this, please!
(Sidenote: In going through this practice, I realized, at the very least, that I am incredibly consistent in taste when it comes to fashion houses.)
In no particular order:
I say a perpetual ‘yes’ to Zendaya in Valentino. There were a lot of metallics on the red carpet this year, but that skiiirrrrrrrrrrt wins. Gimme. (Bonus points: please see Zendaya in Valentino at the NAACP Image Awards).
Demi Singleton in Miu Miu. Again, there was a lot of like princess-y floral action happening this year, (i.e. Lily James in what looked to me like 90s lingerie?) but I think this look wins. I like the elegant silhouette with the beaded detailing- simple, yet statement.
Maggie Gyllenhaal in custom Schiaparelli. I’m a sucker for dramatic geometrics. I love the square-ness of it, the statement gold accents. I think Daniel Roseberry is truly bringing this house back, but I’d love for him to acknowledge the Pierre Cardin influences in his current collection.
I gave love to Miu Miu, so I’ve gotta give a shout to Lupita in Prada. I don’t know how you put that on and don’t immediately go dance? I think that’s the kind of reaction you want when you put on a garment - it inspires you to DO something.
Jessica Chastain in Gucci. I didn’t love the dress at first, but I think as the night went on- it grew on me? And I think it was the ruffle, tafetta trim that did it. It’s just the right amount of ‘extra’ I’m here for.
Looks that fell flat:
Olivia Coleman in Dior. I dunno. I think it was the braided belt in an otherwise perfectly great dress.
Tracee Ellis Ross in Caroline Herrera. I love the daring bust design here, but the fit just looked a tad wonky to me- which is a shame, because she usually kills it. (Do you remember her at the Emmy’s in 2021 in THAT pink Valentino dress?! Remember, I said I’m very consistent in my taste.)
Billie Eilish in Gucci. I dunno. Gave me ‘bed skirt’ vibes and normally I’m here for the layers and the drama. This is also a thought I had about Jada Pinkett Smith, but it felt like the ensemble wore her instead of the other way around.
An overall house that disappointed me: Chanel. While I guess it’s cool Kristen Stewart made ‘fashion history’ by wearing hot shorts to the Oscars, I’m not sure that’s the type of legacy we want connected with Chanel? (I think this house might just be in… an identity crisis generally?) I also… did not love Penelope Cruz in Chanel. I stan a bow, but wasn’t feeling it.
Part II: Stylist Heather Newberger
“Is Riz Ahmed’s look my favorite from the Oscars ‘22? Maybe.” She gushed about the men’s fashion of the evening in general, especially Wesley Snipes and Kodi Smit-McPhee.
“Emilia Jones killing me with that cut out!”
“Last but certainly not least – can we all agree Jessica Chastain was the perfect Old Hollywood mermaid in Gucci?”
If you want more, Heather broke down her favorites for NECN’s Fashion Forward segment.
Part III: Artist Agent Robin Greene feat. my editorializing
“Before you come in, I have to tell you something. Timothée Chalamet isn’t wearing a shirt,” Robin said before my wife and I entered her home for Oscars night. “I think he’s dreamy and I don’t know how I feel about that,” she added before we had removed our shoes. Thus, our evening began and I’m not sure we topped that.
While Robin (and I) weren’t jazzed about Jessica Chastain’s ensemble (for me it was the very nightgown-y ruffles that Erica highlighted), Robin’s biggest critique of the night was reserved for E!’s broadcast of the red carpet. “I miss the glam cam,” she bemoaned, as we were instead tortured with horrific, static shots of everyone’s fashion ensemble that merely moved up and down their person over and over, like a screensaver or a creeper checking someone out on loop. This meant we rarely got to see the backs of the dresses, and as Robin is wont to say over a glass of chilled red: “It’s all about the back.” We shortly changed over to ABC’s coverage.
Like most of us, Robin wasn’t a fan of Billie Eilish’s black ruffle sandwich of a look and astutely pointed out: “It would’ve worked better with her platinum blonde hair [rather than black-on-black], perhaps up in a bun.” I poured myself another glass of chilled red in agreement.
Sidenote: My sister and brother-in-law Brendan disagreed about every single outfit. When they saw Alana Haim’s fish-scales getup, Robin exclaimed, “Ew!” and Brendan yelled, “I fucking love it!” They are happily married, enjoying leftover chicken as you read this sentence.
What Were Our Favorite Movies of 2021?
Well, before you-know-what, I had a three hour long conversation on The Wanderers’ Union Discord with my friend Jon Marquis about our favorite movies of 2021, an Oscars Eve tradition that began in 2017 when I was Jon’s date to the Oscars (!).
This year we spent hours debating Wes Anderson, Licorice Pizza and a little masterpiece of a film called PIG. PLUS: Christy Berg makes a surprise guest appearance to glow about Bo Burnham.
If you wanted to hear the entire marathon conversation, it is in the ether, but here’s a luscious, truffle-flavored 2+ hour bite.
NEXT WEEK: tune in to the Greene Screene voice channel on Thursday, April 7th at 1:00 PM PST for MLB OPENING DAY COVERAGE of YOUR Seattle Mariners taking on the Minnesota Twins, where my dad and I will do our best Dave Niehaus impressions while I simultaneously try to explain what a hipster is to him somewhere around the 4th inning.
This Week on The Naked Man Podcast
"If I haven’t found a partner yet, it must be my fault."
This week, we dispel that notion once and for all, thanks to my friend and fellow artist, Marissa Flaxbart, who joins me to talk about being single as a hopeless AND hopeful romantic, and her fears and discomfort associated with online dating. We return to our fumbling teenage selves and bond over our shared love of teen drama, and how much we think about romance and even how much we think about thinking about romance.
We're inspired not to settle by a postcard from Marissa's mom. Marissa questions her instincts -- are they reasons or excuses? -- and wonders how far out of her comfort zone she can go before it's an act of self-betrayal.
We discuss "having a boyfriend for boyfriend's sake" and the prejudiced perspectives on singlehood in our society. We discover how little we know about the reality of other people’s romantic lives. Marissa is brave enough to read emotional passages from her diary and her play, A Mere Conception.
Marissa realizes that she's looking for something special, something rare, and that's why she hasn't found it yet, not due to any faults of her own.
Art by Friendz: Marissa Edition!
In honor of Marissa, this week we’re showering all our attention on her work.
Most exciting/pressing is the feature film directed by William J. Stripling that Marissa wrote: The Mirror Game. The film is out TODAY as part of the CINEJOY Virtual Fest, running through April 1 - April 17. Now that’s the kind of synchronicity marketing execs plan for months to achieve. It’s $3.99 to grab your ticket and support independent art and friendship!
Marissa is the creator, host and producer of Sweet Valley Diaries, a bleeding heart love letter (with accompanied/necessary eyebrow raises) to Francine Pascal’s delicious Sweet Valley High book series. My friend and erstwhile podcast co-host Aaron and I even appeared on two episodes. This bullet point is a thinly veiled attempt to secure another episode.
Every Monday without fail, Marissa sends out her weekly series, Metaforia through this very same platform. It’s almost as if I learned something from her…
Somehow, someway, Ms. Flaxbart also produces for the Maximum Fun podcast network, working on Maximum Film! and Feeling Seen, two odes to connection found in movies.
Shadows
by LJ Keys
The brick wall, Your dark silhouette. Fingers and lips, Half-smoked cigarettes. Memories, like faces, I tend to forget.
“Shadows” was previously published in LJ Keys’ book of poems, Before I Sleep: Poetry, Prose & Pecularity, a late-at-night phantasmagorical milieu of psychological horror and the healing that comes from uncomfortable exploration. This piece was included with generous permission by the author. LJ’s book is available for purchase on BarnesandNoble.com.
You Might Be in Savannah If…
by Samantha Lewandowski
You might be in Savannah, GA if...
Upon realizing you are too little to reach your jacket that shifted in the overhead bin during the flight, a gentleman helps you, you thank him, and he says, "Yes, ma'am!"
There is someone who greets you right before you exit the jet bridge into the airport, saying, "Welcome to Savannah."
The woman assisting you with your rental car, who you expect to be crabby or tired, or both, strikes up the easiest, gentlest conversation with you. She tells you they're out of the "Manager's Special" selections (read: cheapest), so she'll have to get you something else. She hands you the keys with a little smile, saying to come back if you're not satisfied with the car, as she can't quite remember what it is...
When you see the car, you realize with your own little smile, that given the location she sent you, she had to have known it would be a nice one.
The airport is one of the brightest, prettiest, cleanest you've ever seen, including a Grand Central Station-esque opening before heading into baggage claim and fountains outside.
You feel your blood pressure actually truly drop a few points as you realize all the tension your body has absorbed and come to expect in New England, and how things already just feel... different here.
Postcards
I don’t talk to the mainstream media. Their slanted agenda is biased and anti-Waltz. I’m starting my own news agency.
-Jim Wolfe Jr., embattled manager of The Missouri Waltz following last week’s editorial
Andy! How are you? I was talking about straight guys hugging and thought of you.
-Anne Brashier, Filmmaker & Friend
Hi Andrew,
We miss you and your eyes! Just a reminder to help you remember to schedule your annual eye exam. Contact our practice to make an appointment today!
-Brand Optometry
GET CAFFEINATED AND KILL CRITES!
Straight from outer space, safeguarded by Ug and the shapeshifting bounty hunters who have sworn to protect the galaxy, comes Mother Tongue’s new eclectic spring blend, KILL CRITES, inspired by everyone's favorite Easter film: Critters 2!
This limited release tastes like chocolate bunnies, lemon drops and fills my heart with joy and Crite bloodlust. Buy a bag of beans and watch Easter Movies with Friends on Good Friday, April 15th.